Teachers: Wow, Halloween III? I love Michael Myers!
Me, who is John Carpenter in this metaphor, I guess: Uh…
Teachers: Wait, why is there robots and evil Druids and Tom Atkins? Oh my god how could you record over this movie, you asshole?
Special education teacher: I, Dr. Loomis, know everything there is to know about Michael Myers, unlike you Miss Strode so stop talking nonsense about evil Druids stealing Stonehenge and accept that Michael is behind everything.
Researchers: ‘Evil Druids’ is basically another word for ‘Irish gangsters.’
Me: You just compared Irish gangsters to a list of things evil Druids do without actually studying real life evil Druids.
My mother: They’re like Irish gangsters.
Some psychologist: Oh, I’ve heard of Irish gangsters!
Me: Except with Stonehenge and human sacrifices.
Some psychologist: Wow, I’m lost. This one Irish gangster I heard speak one time never mentioned anything about Stonehenge.
Researchers, many years too late: Now that we thought to study real life evil Druids we think they’re different from Irish gangsters. LOL, oops.
Me: So, Mom, can we talk about the coming Halloween mask apocalypse because it could kill millions of people.
My mother: I know about the evil Druids and I guess they’re not Irish gangsters because science said so but OH MY GOD I DON’T WANT TO TALK ABOUT DYING. The Halloween mask apocalypse will work out for the best if you stop wanting me to plan for it in advance.
Me, who is still John Carpenter: Fuck it, I quit this franchise.