DVD Commentary: Control and Other Illusions

[terajk]

esmenet asked about this one! (Appropriately enough: it was for esmenet's awesome prompt of greatness.)

Title: Control and Other Illusions (Titles are hard!)
Fandom: Avatar: The Last Airbender
Rating: T
Ship: Azula/Ty Lee
Word count: 2700 words (1400 for the fic)
Summary: "Azula doesn't like the mind-healers, but trying to 'fix' her attraction to women is going much too far."
Note: Commentary in bold.

(”It is...unbalanced.”
“Of course it is. Even I don’t know why I suffer traitors.”)

This fic was for queer_fest It was also a week late, because I’d written 1000+ words and none of them were about trying to fix Azula’s attraction to women! (Eep!) This whole parenthetical conversation was the last thing I wrote. I was afraid I gave Azula too much of a snark upgrade.

When she wakes, one of the palace physicians—hers now—brings her morning dose, and she thinks of telling him his hair is on fire, even though it isn't. She decides against it, and is sorry. It would be more fun than being assaulted with annoying questions this early in the morning.

I’m very, very interested in disability and power as they’d play out in Azula’s character--I would watch another 60 episodes on this alone, I am serious. Unfortunately, ATLA ran out of show before it ran out of story, and there are only hints of this one. Canon uses the word “crazy” in two very specific ways. One is as a way of saying something is silly or easily dismissed (Sokka’s disparagement of fortunetelling; ”You guys are all gonna think I’m crazy, but it feels like there’s a metal man coming;” “This is crazy! How can we defeat someone who blows things up with his mind?”; the Gaang thinks King Bumi is “crazy” until they realize he’s pretty smart and a nice guy--then Aang says he’s a “mad genius.”) It’s also word associated with Azula specifically (”...crazy blue firebending”; “She’s crazy and she needs to go down”; “Girls are crazy!”) By the end of the series, Azula, whose entire identity is wrapped up in having power over other people, becomes the sort of person who’s shorthand for “easily dismissed.”

This fic is about Azula navigating power while disabled: how much can she push and get away with it? where will all the neurotypicals slip up?

"Did you sleep well?" he asks.

"Well enough."

"Any nightmares?"

"No."

"Your pulse is slow. Are you tired?"

"I've just woken up."

"Hm. You feel warm."

"I'm drinking tea."

"I see. Tongue, please." It hasn't been a question for...a while. She could refuse, but she wants this over with. "Your qi seems sluggish today."

The very first fanfic I ever published on the Internet was a John Carpenter’s Halloween AU where Michael Myers is autistic, Dr. Loomis misreads his communication entirely, thinks he doesn’t have feelings he actually does have, and then accuses Michael of not communicating at all (even though Michael told him something Very Damn Important). I like looking at...who gets elevated as an “expert” on disabled people and why? Perspectives that are put on pedestals more than they should be? I don’t know how to put this into words.

"Will you tell my brother?" She should hide the smirk, but doesn't. "I'm sure he would enjoy hearing about it, considering that he's off doing nothing with those friends of his."

"I'm sure the Firelord is very busy supervising the reconstruction of Ba Sing Se."

"Is that what they're calling it?" she asks, but doesn't laugh. He'll write something down if she laughs.

Azula’s relationship with Zuko interests me a lot--I read them as attached in a messy, incredibly fucked-up manner. They measure themselves against each other: Azula’s mental illness (and Zuko being Firelord and having All the Things) forces them both to reevaluate their roles...and no one likes it. Zuko has feelings like: “I’m supposed to be the failure WHAT DO I DO NOW?” And while their relationship has certainly changed, Zuko is the person Azula understands the best and she can manipulate him more than she can anyone else. Not to mention her terror of abandonment, and also that Zuko keeps abandoning her.

But! Azula has done horrible things! That she isn’t sorry for! She should not get hugs and cookies for this! As much as I love Azula,and want her to not be a designated villain for forever (those are never fun), I have trouble thinking of her as having a redemption. (See: is not sorry.) Even pairing her with Toph has less to do with redemption and more to do with putting two women with, uh, unusual moral codes together. (Toph led off the most emotional conversation they’ve ever had with: “I suffocated two guys in a metal box for trying to take me back to my parents.”)

But I also have trouble with Word of God that puts her in a mental health facility, partly because mental institutions were brought to Asia by missionaries. And, of course, white people don’t exist in the Avatarverse. Plus, I don’t see any canonical evidence of a medical system that would give rise to what my culture thinks of as a mental hospital. PLUS Azula is a princess and there are physicians in the palace. It does make my OT4 (Aang/Katara/Mai/Zuko) hard to write, however.

He changes the subject, the script. "Your Kyoshi warrior friend is coming today, remember."

"Really? I wasn't aware," she says, hoping the sarcasm obscures the truth. "And she's not my friend."

"What is she, then?"

"Dead chocolate," Azula says, then chokes off the urge to explain. The sheer Zuko-ness of words, their slowness, their weakness, is part of the problem. More will not help. And yet, her physician looks at her as if she doesn't know any of this.

Azula is the only person who knows how her mind works; this is a power she has. It’ll come up again later.

(”The Firelord entrusted me with your treatment, and I just think it would be better if your attractions were corr—more typical.”
“Are you my physician, or are you my brother’s mechanic?”)

Azula’s speech to Long Feng, while an awesome litany of why he sucks, basically boils down to: “I deserve to have power because it’s my right; you don’t, because you climbed up from the bottom. Therefore, I am better than you.” And she WAS given power, this whole time: look at her awesome ship! (Zuko’s ship is a piece of crap.) Who gave her that awesome ship? Daddy, because he was using her for his own ends she was his favorite. For someone so focused on power, Azula REALLY doesn’t understand how the human element effects it, possibly because her understanding of people is so bad. Long Feng’s way of achieving power, which she just disparaged, probably involves a lot of getting people to trust him. That’s a DSM-IV criterion for sociopathy right there.

What all this means is, I think Azula would have a hard time acquiring power by coming up from the bottom, especially if she had to do it herself, because ABANDONMENT! But punching back against systemic ableism isn’t a hopeless cause, especially if she can drag Zuko under the bus. (Oh, who am I kidding? Most of her take-thats to systemic ableism involve throwing Zuko under the bus.)

Mai sits next to her, not across, and Azula is torn between rolling her eyes and looking away. She raises an eyebrow instead. In answer, Mai dips her rice in her soup.

Mai! I love Mai, but she’s very hard for me to write. So is Ty Lee, to be honest. Some of the problem, I’ve noticed, is that I miss some of their facial expressions.

Mai has always dipped her rice in her soup. It is this, not the knives, that had sparked her interest so long ago. Someone so in command of her body, able to flick the excess moisture off of rice in one clean stroke without splattering it—someone so like herself—could be useful, an amusing challenge to control. The way Mai lies with her whole body is admirable (and the way poor Zuzu tries to mimic it is hilarious), but in the cocoon Azula can still find the butterfly-cicada, fluttering helplessly.

“I wonder,” she says, examining her nails, “what it would be like to kill you.”

Mai swallows, small, before she speaks: ever a Firelord's wife. “I wonder what it would be like if Zuko’d put you in prison like I told him to.”Another flick; the muscle pulses in her wrist, like the small spasms of feeling that have always flashed across her face. It is utterly perfect. ("Like this,” Mai had said in the gardens as the shuriken flew.)

I love how Mai knows Azula’s weakness as Azula prides herself on knowing everyone else’s: all she has is intimidation and lightning. (And she doesn’t care how much lighting Azula throws at her--she’s not going in the slurry.) Mai knows she has this trump card, and Azula knows she has it, too.

But Azula knows the parry of Mai’s blade when she feels it. "Speaking of which, I'm surprised you let little Zuzu go off with all those...women."
"I'm sure Toph and Katara can't keep their hands off him." Mai sips her tea—something fruity and sweet, she supposes. It's only Mai who has tea with her meals (ever the Firelord's wife); only Mai who uses that name. Whose eyes glaze over, whose mouth softens just a little when she says it.

I like Katara/Mai really A LOT. In fact, Mai/whoever is what most interests me about my OT4.

“My doctor thinks my attraction to women is unhealthy.” Azula makes sure to emphasize the last word. “I can’t say I blame him, considering.”
Mai takes a bite of rice. “Ty Lee is coming. I’ll host a lesbian orgy.” Firelord’s wife, indeed.

“Good. You can invite your Water Tribe whore.” Azula looks up then, just briefly, to catch the shadow in Mai’s face.

It’s a smile.

As nervous as I was writing this conversation, it’s one of my favorite parts of the fic. Go figure.

(”Your thinking is unclear.”

“I’m mad, not stupid.”

“I’d hate to see you taken advantage of.”

“By Ty Lee?”)

You know what? Azula’s doing pretty awesome against ableism.

Ty Lee bows low, hand over fist.

"Must you wear that ridiculous getup every time you come to see me?" Azula asks.

"I really don't have to...if you don't want me to."

Azula waves a hand. It’s better that Ty Lee doesn’t know what she wants, better that she knows traitors by the colors of their uniforms.

Azula knows that she doesn’t understand people at this point; it’s better that they be as confused as she is.

One of the servants who's not really a servant brings out a tray--spiced tea for Ty Lee, jasmine tea for her. She hates jasmine tea.

"Why don't you go out in the palanquin?" the not-a-servant asks.

There are people who call disabled people’s staff or personal assistants “servants.” Azula would know the damn difference.

Ty Lee sips her tea. "That would be fun."

"We'd prefer to be alone," Azula points out.

"But, Your Highness, you know it isn't good for you to be alone."

In my head, Azula calls these not-servants “assistants.”

Were Ty Lee not here and because it is a good day, Azula would ask her if she knew what "paranoia" means. But she doesn't have to.
"Oh, she won't be alone." Ty Lee's voice is soft and round now; Azula tries to ignore how she speaks in short sentences and makes sure not to squeal, so as not to be reminded of her own weakness.

Ty Lee is very good at making people happy. She knows what Azula needs at any given time. It’s just that Azula’s ideas about strength and weakness mean she doesn’t like to be accommodated (and doesn’t like not to be, either).

In the pause, the servant-who-is-not-a-servant's eyes make her...uncomfortable. "Leave us," Azula says.

"Of course, Your Highness." She doesn't bow on the way out.

"If there's no war anymore, Azula," Ty Lee asks in her room after tea (still softly), pulling the comb through her hair as if she's weaving on a loom, "is the War Room still the War Room?"
Ty Lee’s pattern of thinking has things in common with Azula’s pattern of thinking (association, unusual usage of words, etc.) They can have conversations other people can’t follow. Also, I like cuddling.

"Really, Ty Lee. Obviously—" She’d been ready to say “Zuzu's too stupid to change it,” but then she wonders if perhaps he's too stupid not to. What ridiculous name would he give it? The Fun Room? The Friendship Room? The Room Where Nothing Gets Accomplished Because I Am the Worst Ruler in Fire Nation History? Maybe he calls it nothing at all because he’s shut it up, leaving centuries of achievement cold and empty. And then she’s thinking of—

The ungrateful, traitorous bastard. That is all.

Azula doesn’t like it, of course.

"Obviously what, Azula?"

"Obviously, it's a ridiculous question." Azula doesn't like not knowing what Zuko would do, and she especially doesn't like the way Ty Lee's voice creeps forward, like (she must always remember the "like") a child crowding a baby ostrich-horse to see if she can ride it. She is tired of people examining her from all angles like a new species of beast: Is she crazy right now? How about now? I don't think that made sense—should I report it to the Firelord? It was amazing how fascinated the sane were with madness, yet how clueless about it they were: they were always hoping to find it, and congratulating themselves on spotting it when they hadn't. (Did they not stop to consider a question before answering it? Or pause to make the question-asker squirm?) It would amuse her if their need didn't force her to think about everything she did: where to look, where not to look, how to hold her head, how long to wait before speaking. Sometimes, like right now, she had to strangle her thoughts altogether. This sort of curiosity, this invasiveness, doesn't suit Ty Lee at all.

On the one hand, Azula has to be acutely aware of what she can get away with, because of all this watching and control. On the other, she is the only person who knows how her mind works--which is a form of power.

Ty Lee agrees. "Sorry, Azula." Then she goes silent as the comb keeps pulling, and Azula is glad she doesn't have to command her thoughts like wayward soldiers, line them up into sentences or beat them into words. Instead, she focuses on the rhythm of Ty Lee's combing and feels her thought-armies gather close. She wonders if she could follow Sozin's Subjugation of the Air Nation now, were someone to read it aloud.

“Subjugation,” she says quietly, feeling the shape of the word in her mouth.

“What did you say, Azula?”

“I said nothing.”

“Oh.”

Azula doesn’t think of how soft Ty Lee keeps her voice, how she snips her sentences like silk. Instead, she focuses on her eyes, kept low and out of the way, the way her jaw curves like a ripe peach. She tolerates the flashes of light in the mirror (silver knives in the sunlight) because Ty Lee is the same as she always was. Except that she isn’t. She's not chattering away like the Avatar's lemur, and when she does talk, her voice doesn't scrape the inside of Azula's head. And sometimes there are small noises, changes of breath as she chokes off words, and Azula feels a little thrill. But Ty Lee's voice is always soft.

Ty Lee means all this as worship-from-below, but because it knocks into things Azula actually needs, it gets messed up. But even Azula knows this is different than servants who don’t know their places.

Azula is tired of softness. She grabs Ty Lee by the sleeve and decides (clearly) to take the spiced tea on her breath for herself.

This was the most explicit thing I’d written at the time. I was really worried it wouldn't be romantic enough.

Comments

[esmenet]

I love this fic so much and I love your Azula and Mai and Ty Lee EVEN MORE. You are clearly a lot better at putting tons of thought into characters than I am! I positively adore that conversation between Mai and Azula, and even more now with the note about Mai knowing Azula's weakness.

I hadn't noticed that, in canon, 'crazy' was so consistently used (and when it was applied to a person, almost always used) as a descriptor for Azula.

I always wince at the "She's crazy and she needs to go down" line, because gee thanks Uncle I can't think why your niece doesn't like you. (And also he's trying to show support for Zuko, believing him over his crazy evil sister, but I think that line really shows the divergence in their opinions of Azula: for Zuko, she's the strong cruel scary sister who likes putting him down but maybe just maybe has some nice feelings for him in there somewhere (which I actually do think she does, they just manifest in a tripping-him-and-laughing-at-his-pain-so-he-doesn't-run-off-that-cliff sort of way, because his pain is funny but not if it results in permanent absence) and for Iroh, she's, well, a crazy bitch who needs to go down—it's sad, that's his niece, but there's nothing else he can do.)

Azula's speech to Long Feng was super powerful, but at its core is the phrase "divine right of kings" which I'm sure has never been uttered in the Avatar world but is absolutely implied nevertheless. (Why do they have to get to the Earth King, and not just the generals? Because he's the king.) I actually would really love to read about Azula climbing to power from the bottom, just because I think she's totally unsuited to that but she'd do it anyway.

Also, that last line is absolutely romantic enough. I loved it! Though some of that may be because the description of the spiced tea keeps blurring in my head into the description of Mai and her rice and soup and fruity sweet tea and somehow it all comes out as shades of red-pinkish-orange like the inside of a ripe peach, which is a very lovely image, even though I'm sure that colour is nowhere in the story.

Spoilers for Mill on the Floss

[terajk]

You are clearly a lot better at putting tons of thought into characters than I am!

Oh, I wouldn’t say that! I often need to put things into words in order to understand them. TV Tropes is helpful to me for putting words to general patterns of things--as problematic as TV Tropes is. This kind of thinking has weaknesses, especially in things it’s most used for. (Rigid categories to put people in, anyone?) I’m most likely to need to put something into a lot of words if its hard to understand--Azula’s character fits there!

I hadn't noticed that, in canon, 'crazy' was so consistently used (and when it was applied to a person, almost always used) as a descriptor for Azula.

A major reason I noticed was because I knew the end when I watched it. There was another great prompt of greatness at access_fandom’s Festibility fest that inspired me to watch the series in earnest. (Knowing what I knew, when Azula gave her “divine right of kings” speech I was like:”Oh, honey, NO!”)

ATLA’s use of “crazy” as an arc word makes me think of George Eliot’s Mill on the Floss, where [SPOILER] the main character drowns in the end. When we read it in class everybody (including me) was like “What? That came out of nowhere!” But throughout the book are references to drowning and floods; they’re all in the background and easy to skip over. (I only found them because I read the Cliff’s Notes.) And Azula’s mental breakdown comes much less out of nowhere than that. In “The Beach,” where you see just how awful Azula’s understanding of people actually is, the Gaang uses “crazy” twice. Which is actually a lot, considering how little screentime they have. If that isn’t a way of saying,“This episode isn’t filler! Something here is Very Important and will make sense later!” I don’t know what is.

I think that line really shows the divergence in their opinions of Azula: for Zuko, she's the strong cruel scary sister who likes putting him down but maybe just maybe has some nice feelings for him in there somewhere (which I actually do think she does, they just manifest in a tripping-him-and-laughing-at-his-pain-so-he-doesn't-run-off-that-cliff sort of way, because his pain is funny but not if it results in permanent absence) and for Iroh, she's, well, a crazy bitch who needs to go down—it's sad, that's his niece, but there's nothing else he can do.

YES SO MUCH THIS. “She’s crazy and she needs to go down” is the one line that brings “crazy=easily dismissed/not important” and “crazy=Azula” together. Iroh’s basically saying, “Don’t worry about getting along with her, Zuko.” Even when they were a sort-of-happy family Iroh doesn’t seem to like/have any attachment to her. Getting her a doll? Really? When Zuko got an awesome dagger that Iroh got from someone in the war? It read to me like: “I found this amazing present for Zuko! Ah, damn, I have to get Azula something now, don’t I? What do girls like? Uh.” And this would’ve only gotten worse after Lu Ten died, because, as fulselden pointed out, Iroh was probably lonely for a son.

And the thing is...if Azula can make tea, she can make her treatments herself! Which is amazing and would make it easier for me to send her on adventures. Of course, Iroh is the natural choice for teaching her--and she would probably choose him, as she chose Mai and Ty Lee, because they were the best at what they did, which made her better. But it’s just so hard to write Azula and Iroh together! Like, in canon, he never calls her his niece. (Even Ozai is “my brother.”) And I don’t want him to suddenly be very nice. *sadface*

I actually would really love to read about Azula climbing to power from the bottom, just because I think she's totally unsuited to that but she'd do it anyway.

It would be an AMAZING story! It’s another reason I put her with Toph--Toph has a power that comes up from the bottom. (Disarming all the sighted people with blind jokes.)

some of that may be because the description of the spiced tea keeps blurring in my head into the description of Mai and her rice and soup and fruity sweet tea and somehow it all comes out as shades of red-pinkish-orange like the inside of a ripe peach, which is a very lovely image, even though I'm sure that colour is nowhere in the story.

Oh! That IS a lovely image! (I...really like writing about food? In such a way that I don’t always realize how much I’ve done it?) And Ty Lee gets compared to the outside of a ripe peach.

Thanks for requesting this (both the commentary and the prompt)!

Re: Spoilers for Mill on the Floss

[esmenet]

When Iroh talks about her, he always says "your sister" or "Princess Azula", and usually the latter. It would be really interesting to see them interact one-on-one, even though I suspect I would be rooting for Azula to set him on fire. Because, for all his flirting with June and the passport lady, I don't think Iroh actually understands women at all, and especially not women like Azula who are very big on not being dismissed for their gender. (Notice the total lack of women in the Order of the White Lotus!) I think Azula might actually be a bit frightening to him, because he's used to women who are Ursa-scary (sweet but potentially vicious) or Toph-scary (very much 'one of the guys') or maybe even sexy-scary like June; he's not used to women who are straight-out Ozai-style terrifying.

And to Azula he's one of those people like her mother, who shower her failure of a brother with love and affection while she's working hard to be perfect and getting the occasional appreciative word from Ozai.

The Doll Incident! Someone (I think it was Vathara?) said something about Azula having mental disorder X b/c children see dolls as miniature people, etc, and I thought, well, NO, THAT IS THE NATURAL REACTION OF SOMEONE TIRED OF RECEIVING SHITTY SEXIST GIFTS.

(Incidentally, I spend entirely too much time wondering about Azula's relationship with Lu Ten. In all probability there wasn't much of one, him being a soldier and all, but I like to imagine that he kind of enjoyed watching her beat everyone at everything, and she wanted to set him on fire for being Zuko's favorite relative. Also possibly he was planning to send her razor-sharp hair sticks or some other very feminine-looking deadly weapon, an ironic reflection of Iroh's impersonal & impractical gift, and then he died before he could find just the right one.)

...And I quoted your whole comment back at you?

[terajk]

I don't think Iroh actually understands women at all, and especially not women like Azula who are very big on not being dismissed for their gender. (Notice the total lack of women in the Order of the White Lotus!) I think Azula might actually be a bit frightening to him, because he's used to women who are Ursa-scary (sweet but potentially vicious) or Toph-scary (very much 'one of the guys') or maybe even sexy-scary like June; he's not used to women who are straight-out Ozai-style terrifying.

And to Azula he's one of those people like her mother, who shower her failure of a brother with love and affection while she's working hard to be perfect and getting the occasional appreciative word from Ozai.

Okay, now I REALLY want to put Azula and Iroh together! You're absolutely right (thank you!), and the dynamic you've laid out here would be really fun to read/play with. *ponders some more*

Someone (I think it was Vathara?) said something about Azula having mental disorder X b/c children see dolls as miniature people, etc, and I thought, well, NO, THAT IS THE NATURAL REACTION OF SOMEONE TIRED OF RECEIVING SHITTY SEXIST GIFTS.

Oh, for Pete's sake. I'm sure lighting the doll on fire was supposed to be disturbing, but still. Totally understandable reaction to a horrible gift. Especially in a culture where lighting things on fire isn't unusual.

(Incidentally, I spend entirely too much time wondering about Azula's relationship with Lu Ten. In all probability there wasn't much of one, him being a soldier and all, but I like to imagine that he kind of enjoyed watching her beat everyone at everything, and she wanted to set him on fire for being Zuko's favorite relative. Also possibly he was planning to send her razor-sharp hair sticks or some other very feminine-looking deadly weapon, an ironic reflection of Iroh's impersonal & impractical gift, and then he died before he could find just the right one.)

OMG THAT IS AMAZING. I would read the *heck* out of Azula & Lu Ten, to be honest. Although, now I want a story where spirit!Lu Ten appears to Azula (I don't know if he's trying to do his dad's job or not...he'd do it very differently if he were), but by that point she's used to family members appearing randomly so she ignores him/makes snarky comments at him. Would they have lots of arguments? Azula could probably use Lu Ten as a weapon against Iroh...

Re: ...And I quoted your whole comment back at you?

[esmenet]

"Hello, Uncle. Remember that time you went to the spirit world to look for your dead son only to return, unsuccessful, a broken and empty shell of a man? Well, you'll never guess who showed up last week. . . ."

I actually want to read/write ridiculous amounts of Lu-Ten-mysteriously-survived-in-hiding and Lu-Ten-lives-to-be-Fire-Lord and Lu-Ten's-spirit-appears-to-Azula fic, because while Azula as far as we know (outside of 水火) never had a kind-yet-badass older woman to look up to, I would really like to see her interact with the one older relative she has who might a) not be a jerk and b) actually like her. The only stuff I've really seen with Lu Ten was about him and Iroh and Zuko, and actually I am not interested in those relationships at all.

I think at some point I mentioned that fic I am (sort of) writing about Azula basically haunting Zuko? This happens because, when Azula first showed up in the Spirit World, she went looking for Lu Ten and actually found him. They had a nice conversation which turned into a screaming fight about Zuko, as these things do, and then he helped her get to her brother from where they were. And Zuko keeps asking her about Lu Ten, has Lu Ten been reincarnated yet, could she go look for Lu Ten, could Lu Ten maybe help her get back to her body, and she can't help but think he's even worse obsessed than when Lu Ten was alive and around. So of course she says she couldn't find him and she doesn't know, shut up. (HI DON'T MIND ME I AM JUST PLOTTING THINGS FOR THE FUTURE.)

Re: ...And I quoted your whole comment back at you?

[terajk]

Spirit!Lu Ten finally gets Azula to stop ignoring him by calling her "older female cousin." (He could go either way, but has the family manipulation gene.)

I think at some point I mentioned that fic I am (sort of) writing about Azula basically haunting Zuko?

You did! And I've been excited to read it ever since! (No hurry; I'm just saying). And...BWAHAHAHAHA!

Re: ...And I quoted your whole comment back at you?

[esmenet]

"表姐, 表姐! Guess what I just caught your brother planning . . ."

On the one hand, I have totally forgotten a lot of Season Two! On the other hand, there is a wiki.