terajk

• I have my own credit card now. It’s exciting and scary at the same time. Just now—as in, five seconds ago—I pre-ordered Disgaea D2: A Brighter Darkness. I’ve never pre-ordered anything before.


• Relatedly, I gave up on reading library copies of A Song of Ice and Fire. So I’m just buying them. I am re-reading A Game of Thrones, partly because it was so long between the first time I checked it out and the second that I forgot, like, half of the book.


• I got a pre-release copy of a video game for review and actually finished the game before it comes out! (Release date is July 16.) This never happens! Some of it is, I play a lot of 50-hour role-playing games and a lot of publishers don’t send us copies a month and a half in advance. Some of it is because my gaming skills are pretty average. (What I lack in skill I make up for in repetition. Level-grinding is fun.) Some of it is I get anxious when I’m stuck and will avoid things—WHICH I DID NOT DO THIS TIME. Go, me!


• I still have to write the review, though, which is always the hard part :( For the last couple of days I did some freewriting at restaurants. It’s hard to balance “I’m really in no hurry to finish this” with “If I avoid doing it, it just gets easier to avoid.”


• I’m feeling very social today! Maybe I can take advantage of this and e-mail my editor.


• I don't want to clean the house today.


• My dog is barky, even though I took him for a long walk.

•  A new house! We bought a house, which we should  be able to move into by September 30.
• A new and highly-accessible-to-me neighborhood! There's a mall within walking distance of the house, as well as two movie theaters. One is even super-cheap ($3 after 6:00 PM!) And...
• A bookstore that will take ALL MY MONEY, for serious. I found Vol. 1 of Ranma 1/2 the last time I was there, and today when I took a bunch of books/DVDs/video games in I left with:
• Soul Eater Vol. 1, Vol. 2 of Ranma 1/2, some cheap headphones for my Walkman and some magazines about John and Robert Kennedy from 1965. (My mother was like: "Didn't we just get rid of your stuff?" ALL. MY. MONEY.)
• A lovely compliment about my fic! But...
• Uncertainty about/lack of motivation for writing anything, and no problem whatever inflicting drawings on you all.
• An "electricity" square and a "foot fetish" square in my characters-with-disabilities line for kink_bingo 
• A newly-acquired love of Avengers fanart, especially when they are doing semi-mundane things like making dinner or punking humans or annoying Director Fury with their shenanigans.
• No more iced coffee. :(

1. So, there's this new coffee shop opening up (COFFEE!) and I know how to walk there! It's owned by/part of a church, and the church is looking for volunteers to help out for an hour a week, doing drywall or vacuuming and doing windows. Yesterday I actually talked to the pastor and was supposed to come in today, but there were storms! I did actually call to let him know I wouldn't be in (sort of a big deal for me,) but I still feel bad. Even though, like, there was supposed to be a parade today and it got postponed/cancelled.

( TERRIBLE horror movie I saw today! Fatphobia and ableism )



2. Speaking of feeling bad, I defaulted on my first fic exchange D: But! While writing 1k is sort-of-overwhelming for me right now, I can still make treats? Which are shorter? And which don't have to be fic?



3. My brain wants to write character sketches--I do this a lot, and it's an important part of my process. But right now my brain wants to tackle the Toph-Azula thing, (SPOILERS) and nothing good EVER comes of that. I've half-convinced myself that once I've worked out all the interpersonal conflicts and also FEELINGS, the actual plot will fall into place. And it won't require Toph's friends/Zuko and Iroh to come down with Plot-Induced Incompentence. Or convenient death.



4. Relatedly! I could also work on things that have stuff in common with the Toph-Azula thing, but would be less hard/made of shame and foolishness. Like The Epic Story of That Time Shibusen was Undergoing Renovations and Kid and Miss Marie Were Like, "Eff this nonsense! Let's skip school!" Or The Epic Story of How Ranma Showed Ryoga Where the Cat Cafe Is, Maybe, and Akane Sprained Her Eyeballs from Rolling Them So Hard. Or The Epic Story of That Time Ryoga and Mousse Saved Nerima and by Extension, the Universe Together, although I need to read Journey to the West Or Blair doing things (including being a psychiatric service cat) because....BLAIR! (A lot of things we've found about service animals are about dogs. Blair would like to complain.)



5. I still haven't figured out, like, a way to organize all these notes and research generally. Which means I can also waste time planning A System instead of writing or whatever. (Although I do totally need A System.)



6. But again, I still feel BAD about not being able to write things, and 100 words is doable! And petra is running Porn Tag Calvinball! My thread is here. (ATLA, Ouran, Ranma 1/2, Soul Eater--also if anyone wants to prompt me with Azula/Toph I will not complain.

I have a lot of emotional hangups related to my experiences in school.