Writing, Joy, etc.
Dec. 3rd, 2011 07:07 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
terajkAn expanded comment I left at ![[community profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/community.png)
writethisfanfic:
As a kid I wrote stories to make myself happy. Then in my first year of high school, my first English paper was 10 pages about how you could see Sigmund Frued's descriptions of neurosis in the characters from Willa Cather's novel O! Pioneers!, and how those traits helped them survive. My teacher (who never countered my argument, but asked questions in the margins and expanded on it) nevertheless took a grade letter off because "most incoming freshmen write three-page essays." Then I spent four years learning to write the Five-Paragraph Essay, which was the only allowable way to write anything and was very stifling for me.
By college I didn't have to write Five-Paragraph Essays anymore (thank goodness), but the writing for fun/because it made me happy had stopped. I'd learned to write to please other people (each teacher always wanted their essays to have certain things in them). And when I started writing fic much later, it was still as something to make other people happy. And I got nervous about stuff that made ME happy.
For instance, Ryoga Hibiki from Ranma 1/2 makes me happy. Not only is he all-around fabulous, but we also share an impairment. And I've never met a fictional person who's had these experiences before. (He once panicked because he had to find his own house. I laughed and laughed and flapped my hands). Part of the reason he makes me so happy is because I can take these experiences and feelings and play with them. And watch other people play with them, too. (These wee stories by![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-userinfo.gif)
contrail make me go "eee!" Warning: One picks up on the idea of tying Ryoga to something so he doesn't wander off/get lost. It gave me the skeevies in canon--even as it made total sense as something the person involved would do--and gives me the skeevies even more here because Ranma's thoughtless brand of help isn't involved. But I still love them).
Still, as much as I love Ryoga, I don't write him as much as I'd like. I think of things to doto with him, but then go: "That's bad." It's like I'm afraid to let my id go that way. (It could be bad, but I haven't even written it yet to know.
For example: at guro festbloodyvalentine is a prompt focusing on extremely rigorous training and pushing the body to its limits. Ryoga has had (and given!) Training from Hell. And I was REALLY interested in exploring his relationship to his body vis. a vis his relationship to external space. Is physical pain a way of knowing where he is? Does he like knowing that his body has boundaries while the outside world has almost none? Etc. But I was afraid of writing that stuff, and didn't. (Ironically, I've explored similar things involving a neuroatypical person's relationship to her body before. But when my neuroatypicality was involved, it became terrifying/impossible/OH GOD THIS IS STUPID.) I'm also interested in the intersection of kink and disability generally (particularly if disabled characters find their own bodies and minds kinky), but avoid that, too.
But! This week I wrote a story for a friend for the very first time. And it made me SO HAPPY, even as I was terrified and had to poke fictional people to have conversations they didn't want to have. And because the same things make us both happy, I put stuff in my friend's fic that I wouldn't have had the courage to put in otherwise. (One line in particular was an idea I'd played with in an earlier story, but removed it at the last minute).
So, for mywhite_lotus assignment, I'm just going to bathe in that joy. If something makes me happy, I'll put it in. And if I can think of scenes or perfect lines that don't quite go there yet, I'll make use of [SOMETHING] or [WRITE MORE LATER]. I'll let all the darlings come--the second draft is when you start killing them, anyway.
writethisfanfic:As a kid I wrote stories to make myself happy. Then in my first year of high school, my first English paper was 10 pages about how you could see Sigmund Frued's descriptions of neurosis in the characters from Willa Cather's novel O! Pioneers!, and how those traits helped them survive. My teacher (who never countered my argument, but asked questions in the margins and expanded on it) nevertheless took a grade letter off because "most incoming freshmen write three-page essays." Then I spent four years learning to write the Five-Paragraph Essay, which was the only allowable way to write anything and was very stifling for me.
By college I didn't have to write Five-Paragraph Essays anymore (thank goodness), but the writing for fun/because it made me happy had stopped. I'd learned to write to please other people (each teacher always wanted their essays to have certain things in them). And when I started writing fic much later, it was still as something to make other people happy. And I got nervous about stuff that made ME happy.
For instance, Ryoga Hibiki from Ranma 1/2 makes me happy. Not only is he all-around fabulous, but we also share an impairment. And I've never met a fictional person who's had these experiences before. (He once panicked because he had to find his own house. I laughed and laughed and flapped my hands). Part of the reason he makes me so happy is because I can take these experiences and feelings and play with them. And watch other people play with them, too. (These wee stories by
contrail make me go "eee!" Warning: One picks up on the idea of tying Ryoga to something so he doesn't wander off/get lost. It gave me the skeevies in canon--even as it made total sense as something the person involved would do--and gives me the skeevies even more here because Ranma's thoughtless brand of help isn't involved. But I still love them).Still, as much as I love Ryoga, I don't write him as much as I'd like. I think of things to do
For example: at guro fest
bloodyvalentine is a prompt focusing on extremely rigorous training and pushing the body to its limits. Ryoga has had (and given!) Training from Hell. And I was REALLY interested in exploring his relationship to his body vis. a vis his relationship to external space. Is physical pain a way of knowing where he is? Does he like knowing that his body has boundaries while the outside world has almost none? Etc. But I was afraid of writing that stuff, and didn't. (Ironically, I've explored similar things involving a neuroatypical person's relationship to her body before. But when my neuroatypicality was involved, it became terrifying/impossible/OH GOD THIS IS STUPID.) I'm also interested in the intersection of kink and disability generally (particularly if disabled characters find their own bodies and minds kinky), but avoid that, too.But! This week I wrote a story for a friend for the very first time. And it made me SO HAPPY, even as I was terrified and had to poke fictional people to have conversations they didn't want to have. And because the same things make us both happy, I put stuff in my friend's fic that I wouldn't have had the courage to put in otherwise. (One line in particular was an idea I'd played with in an earlier story, but removed it at the last minute).
So, for my
white_lotus assignment, I'm just going to bathe in that joy. If something makes me happy, I'll put it in. And if I can think of scenes or perfect lines that don't quite go there yet, I'll make use of [SOMETHING] or [WRITE MORE LATER]. I'll let all the darlings come--the second draft is when you start killing them, anyway.
