The ways of coffee and failure
Nov. 30th, 2011 02:01 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
terajkMake an icon for
littlebutfierce (I am such a noob at making icons, y'all. Someday I will make an icon with properly legible text). Write
thingswithwingsRewatch "The Beach" for fic for
lizbee. Actually, about halfway through this turned into: "Mainline almost the entire first season of Adventure Time and some of the second." I am scared/avoidy of fic for lizbee because the execution makes or breaks EVERYTHING. Right now, the execution is closer to "broken." As soon as everyone got close to Deep Emotional Things they were like, "We're done, right? Yeah, we're done. End the story, please." Perhaps I should remind them that not only is Marceline 1000+ years old and a survivor of some kind of apocalypse and killed the Vampire King, but she is so badass she EXPRESSES HER FEELINGS:But I could also write the expression of feelings the slightest bit wrong, in which case EVERYTHING BREAKS. And writing Azula's dialogue is like walking a tightrope while the net is on fire at the best of times. This is not necessarily a bad thing; yeah, there's the whole "OH CRAP IF I GET OUT OF THIS VERY NARROW SPACE EVERYTHING IS WRONG," but on the other hand, her understanding of people and how she relates to them are also very narrow and remove a lot of options.
Also, OH CRAP! ZUKO! In a lot of post-canon Azula and Zuko fic I've read, Zuko is a really nice, caring guy who loves his sister and wants to take care of her, etc., etc. (In fact, I have written him this way once). But...there are a lot of feelings when a family member becomes disabled, and they aren't all "I love you"? Especially if this person is an abuser who wrecked your childhood? (So he has complicated feelings about her in general. And both of them have complicated feelings about their dad and OH NO WTF HAVE I DONE?) And aside from all that, some of Zuko's feelings are ableist and annoy me. How do I respect his feelings when they make me go: "Uh..." and "I should probably problematize this in the text" and then "OH NO THAT WILL MAKE IT 1000X HARDER TO WRITE GODDAMNIT."
I'd also like to remind myself that EVERY DAMN TIME I'm about to have some kind of breakthrough on a project, I am like: "I'm scared and avoiding this/This sucks and I hate it forever." Even when I was a kid and would play video games, I'd be like: "I can never beat this game I am never playing it again!" and then beat the level/stupid boss.
So! Because I'd like
lizbee's fic done or close enough by the time ![[community profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/community.png){kind=small}
white_lotus assignments go out (this may not happen), here is my plan. I will get off here and finish watching "The Beach"; then I will take my laptop down to the library and write. If I need to massively delete things, I will save them in a "graveyard" file. Then I will come home and play that game I have to review for work, which I am avoiding because it isn't much fun. (You guys! Giant mech games have huge potential for awesome! But all the giant mech games I play are boring. WTF?)
no subject
Date: 2011-12-01 07:30 am (UTC)I have the same problem with Zuko! I really like the idea of the two of them sort of evolving an awkward, weirdly affectionate relationship, but at the same time there are layers of undercurrents: she was an abuser; he let the doctors do degrading or pointless things to her in the name of making her well -- they can't just shake hands and move beyond that.
*POINTEDLY REFRAINS FROM WANTING TO KNOW STUFF ABOUT FIC*
no subject
Date: 2011-12-01 03:59 pm (UTC)YES INORITE? One reason I love "The Beach" is because we see them acting like siblings instead of people-on-de-facto-opposite-sides-in-a-war. (You've also said something like this). And I love that their relationship has layers of undercurrents--or I would, if I were reading it and didn't have to write the damned thing. (I like complicated, messy-as-hell dynamics I CAN'T HELP IT)
But I also like affection and cuddles! (As evidence of having my cake and eating it, too, I ship a lot of people who aren't cuddly in a traditional sense). So of course I like thinking about things like: "What kinds of affection would Azula accept?" But I also shudder at hurt/comfort dynamics where one of the characters is a PWD (or woman, etc., etc., etc.,) and the other isn't and the PWD/woman/etc. is doing all the hurting and the non-PWD/man/etc., is doing all the comforting. (I agree with you on the skeeviness of a lot of Azula/Sokka I have seen, BTW. Which is a shame, because I think they would be fun/interesting together. Like if they had to come up with some Master Plan. There would be all kinds of yelling and arguing and Sokka would have to watch his mouth if he didn't want to DIAF.)
*POINTEDLY REFRAINS FROM WANTING TO KNOW STUFF ABOUT FIC*
Maybe you'd better, because WHAT IF I WRITE SOMETHING YOU HATE?!
But if there is HC
no subject
Date: 2011-12-01 08:06 pm (UTC)And Azula has this unfamiliar wistful tone when she tells Chan her family used to come to Ember Island. Those were probably good days for her, too, back before her father saw her primarily as a weapon. And no doubt if Ozai was hanging out with Zuko, she was with her mother.
ALSO, I do love that her response to Zuko's emo is "goad him into shouty catharsis, then arson".
But I also shudder at hurt/comfort dynamics where one of the characters is a PWD (or woman, etc., etc., etc.,) and the other isn't and the PWD/woman/etc. is doing all the hurting and the non-PWD/man/etc., is doing all the comforting.
I really love h/c where the woman is the one in need of support, but it is SO RARELY DONE WELL. As you say, all kinds of horrible subtext creeps in, and sometimes I'm like, JUST BECAUSE SHE NEEDS A HUG DOESN'T MAKE HER A CHILD.
(I agree with you on the skeeviness of a lot of Azula/Sokka I have seen, BTW. Which is a shame, because I think they would be fun/interesting together. Like if they had to come up with some Master Plan. There would be all kinds of yelling and arguing and Sokka would have to watch his mouth if he didn't want to DIAF.)
TOTAL BROS. With benefits. I would read that if it existed.
no subject
Date: 2011-12-01 08:44 pm (UTC)Yup. I was also struck by how nice of a dad Ozai was in Zuko's memories.
ALSO, I do love that her response to Zuko's emo is "goad him into shouty catharsis, then arson".
Um, I feel much better about your fic now :D
I really love h/c where the woman is the one in need of support, but it is SO RARELY DONE WELL. As you say, all kinds of horrible subtext creeps in, and sometimes I'm like, JUST BECAUSE SHE NEEDS A HUG DOESN'T MAKE HER A CHILD.
Yes, this. WHY DON'T YOU CATER TO MY EVERY WHIM, INTERNET?
TOTAL BROS. With benefits. I would read that if it existed.
"But can we...kill less people?"
"I thought you liked rescuing."
"It's just that, what with the law of diminishing returns..."
"Don't make any more charts. Please."
"Well, maybe we'd have a gameplan by now if you weren't so obsessed with explosions."
"That was Toph's idea, you fool. Mine was to poison the wine."
"That is....ill-advised!"
(Suki's shocked that she isn't more disgusted, Katara and Zuko are dying of embarrassment and Toph is just laughing at everyone).
no subject
Date: 2011-12-01 09:10 pm (UTC)The bit that makes me choke up is the flash of Iroh and Lu Ten playing with baby Zuko.
Yup. I was also struck by how nice of a dad Ozai was in Zuko's memories.
Everything in "The Promise" could have been avoided if Azula had been around to remind people that Zuko is much happier when he's had a chance to burn some shit.
(Suki's shocked that she isn't more disgusted, Katara and Zuko are dying of embarrassment and Toph is just laughing at everyone).
FACT.
Also, Sokka's general sideways approach to masculinity, not to mention how good he looks in a Kyoshi Warrior outfit is ... full of potential, yes.